Beautiful mess in my life

There is a wonderful mess in my life and I can't really explain why... Anything, everything became all the time so complicated when it was supposed to be so simple. Everytime then, I wanna give up but I try to fight with myself and with my stupid life that I can't control. And I'm fed up with that and I'm so tired.

I'd like to know why life is so complicated, why life is not the fairytale my parents told me about when I was a little girl. Why there is no stupid princess finding a sweet charming prince, having beautiful children, and working a bit but just enough to live in happiness. Life is not that simple.

I meet people, I share wonderful moments with them. But when they finally know me as I am really, they just run away, with no explanation, walling in me in a unbearable silence...

I just wanted to understand my mistakes to not do it again and again. And maybe also I wanted to try to rebuild a kind of life I feel great in, a smile on my face, as this little girl I was.

I'm still hoping that one day, I'll understand all of this... For now, the only thing I can do is to "enjoy the silence".